The Therapeutic Power of BDSM

I have often found myself deeply reflecting on why I am so drawn to engaging with individuals within the BDSM community. There is something profoundly magnetic about the openness and honesty that this lifestyle offers. Perhaps it is because, in this world, open communication is essential. Conversations go beyond superficial chit-chat about the weather or mundane small talk; instead, they delve into profound depths where individuals gradually unveil their vulnerabilities and deepest emotions. Each interaction peels back another layer of complexity revealing the person underneath the layers of personal history. This gradual revelation of one's inner self cultivates mutual trust and connection. In these exchanges, there is an unspoken understanding and respect for boundaries that is both refreshing and non-judgemental. Here, trust isn’t just built; it’s crafted through shared experiences and honest discourse, creating bonds that are both resilient and deeply meaningful. This journey into trust-building transforms each conversation into a powerful testament to human connection at its most raw and spectacularly real form. There's an innate feeling of connection and understanding being built, which we sometimes cannot achieve in our vanilla space. In our vanilla relationships, we might not express our inner desires or needs, fearing judgment for our kinks which might seem strange to some but brings pleasure to others. I never hold judgement.

For me, BDSM is not about giving up power; it's about communicating boundaries and exploring them together in a safe space. As two people evolve in a BDSM relationship, they co-design a relationship where each person brings their desires, needs, and values to the table, and consensual rules are established. There is an element of creative freedom where experiences and scenes are co-created to explore. Perhaps there is a playfulness in our inner child. When I reference the inner child, I always think back to those childhood days when we played dress-up, cops and robbers, and the damsel in distress. These unscripted plays often get lost as we grow older because they are not defined as "right," or perhaps we become so accustomed to a scripted life that we forget what it means to be free.

Whilst reflecting on my journey, I realise I need this outlet for exploration, or perhaps call it recreational pleasure. I simply prefer the dungeon over a round of 18-hole golf. In the right hands, one can explore their deepest desires or fears in a safe, consensual space, where trust prevails and external noises fade, allowing one to enter a state of intense focus and presence.

The things i realise is that in a BDSM relationship it requires a lot of upfront negotiation, where you discuss and agree on specific scenes in the play that a high level of communication takes place. We are equals. This level of engagement provides comfort, allowing us to express our thoughts and feelings through words. Some of us may not have experienced this before or may have felt disappointment or experienced trauma in past relationships where intimate experiences were never discussed. We freeze we feel violated.

As I reflect on my role as a Dominant and that of my most loyal and devoted Sub, I realise that within the power dynamic, one thing is equal: the gift of giving. His act of complete submission is his ultimate offering, and for him, this brings joy. Why would I deny him of that? While I enjoy various dominant activities, I do this because I also find joy, and what I do is always consensual—I want nothing more than his pleasure. I hold my Sub in high regard and take devotion very seriously because I have been gifted trust, which is sacred in our space of exploration. As I consider this evolution, I ask myself what it is that I love and need from BDSM, and I return to my childhood of neglect. Although I had everything I wanted—a beautiful home, a good school—the one thing lacking was a feeling of devotion. It's not that I wanted material things, but looking back at my childhood, I clearly see the unfairness, the lack of attention. I never got my prom dress, yet my stepsister had hers made. So, I have learned to protect myself and work hard to achieve what I have today. I got protective over time. Suddenly, I am enveloped in devotion. At first, I found it hard to accept, and I am still working through this. I ask myself why anyone would want to be so devoted? I can do it myself! Perhaps it’s because I have been operating on autopilot for so many years. I am learning to love it, to let go, and to have him help me with my mundane daily tasks. I realise it's not so bad after all; perhaps I am worthy, and for this reason, I want nothing more than to give my Sub everything. He has helped me love myself again. This journey has returned something my childhood never really gave me. For me, it is healing.

While some might not agree in what we do in BDSM , I find this lifestyle offers a mental break from the stress of everyday life. I believe in the therapeutic power of BDSM because, with the right person to guide you, you grow together, communicate, and create a lifestyle that supports personal growth. Whilst everyone’s journey is unique if it makes you happy and it bring you joy, why not? For this reason, I am selective because I don't feel you can fully establish a good play in one session, as trust takes time.

So, yes I need my Lady EllaBe persona, and I do believe in the therapeutic power of BDSM because I am experiencing it. However, elements of this healing require the right person who can communicate effectively and read the unspoken language. Often, in trauma, what we feel manifests in various ways, and we have the responsibility to keep those we play with safe.

I'll see you in the dungeon tomorrow!